The Past...

Have you ever noticed that your past finds you? It doesn't necessarily haunt you, it just finds you. It seems to happen to me a lot lately, including today. When I was little my parents were in church choir. They had a man babysit me at church. Sometimes his wife joined him. My parents seemed to really like this man, but no matter how hard I tried, I didn't like being near him. His hands especially bothered me. I didn't mind his wife at all, but the man - every time I saw him I felt hatred. Then the man passed away. We were in Sunday School and my teacher said he had died. I told her how I disliked him and that he had babysat me and I wasn't really sure why I disliked him, I just didn't trust him. After church that day, my teacher approached my parents. She told them that the man had been a convicted sex offender and had molested several children and that after I talked to her, she was pretty sure he'd done the same to me. My parents were mortified. My mom instantly remembered the countless, unexplained rashes, my massive fits when I was near him and also explained the flashbacks I'd have. I'm thankful I don't remember much - just bits and pieces - but it's effects lasted long into my adult years. My heart aches for every little girl or boy that has ever dealt with something like this and much worse. Today I heard of another sweet girl going through this and my past found me. Without God, I'm not sure how anyone heals from the mental, emotional and sometimes physical trauma of sexual assault. I'm so thankful for a loving Creator who cares about our hurts - the ones we do and the ones done to us. It's all because of sin. Sin done to us, Sin done by us. It can be so devastating. The Why's of life can eat you alive. But this I know - EVERY hurt you feel, EVERY tear you cry, EVERY person you've hurt, EVERY sin you've committed and EVERY sin committed against you can be used for God's glory. My story is not unlike other girl's stories, but I choose to share it because I believe God can heal someone else because He has healed me. He took the feelings of being used up, worthlessness, anger, frustration and why and He gave me peace. He carries my burden. I don't have to hold on to it. I can love on someone else and listen with understanding because I really do understand what they are feeling. Your past doesn't have to haunt you, but it will find you every once in a while. Let God use the past so you can care for someone else.