Wednesday, February 29, 2012
The Past...
Have you ever noticed that your past finds you? It doesn't necessarily haunt you, it just finds you. It seems to happen to me a lot lately, including today.
When I was little my parents were in church choir. They had a man babysit me at church. Sometimes his wife joined him. My parents seemed to really like this man, but no matter how hard I tried, I didn't like being near him. His hands especially bothered me. I didn't mind his wife at all, but the man - every time I saw him I felt hatred. Then the man passed away. We were in Sunday School and my teacher said he had died. I told her how I disliked him and that he had babysat me and I wasn't really sure why I disliked him, I just didn't trust him. After church that day, my teacher approached my parents. She told them that the man had been a convicted sex offender and had molested several children and that after I talked to her, she was pretty sure he'd done the same to me. My parents were mortified. My mom instantly remembered the countless, unexplained rashes, my massive fits when I was near him and also explained the flashbacks I'd have. I'm thankful I don't remember much - just bits and pieces - but it's effects lasted long into my adult years.
My heart aches for every little girl or boy that has ever dealt with something like this and much worse. Today I heard of another sweet girl going through this and my past found me. Without God, I'm not sure how anyone heals from the mental, emotional and sometimes physical trauma of sexual assault. I'm so thankful for a loving Creator who cares about our hurts - the ones we do and the ones done to us. It's all because of sin. Sin done to us, Sin done by us. It can be so devastating. The Why's of life can eat you alive.
But this I know - EVERY hurt you feel, EVERY tear you cry, EVERY person you've hurt, EVERY sin you've committed and EVERY sin committed against you can be used for God's glory. My story is not unlike other girl's stories, but I choose to share it because I believe God can heal someone else because He has healed me. He took the feelings of being used up, worthlessness, anger, frustration and why and He gave me peace. He carries my burden. I don't have to hold on to it. I can love on someone else and listen with understanding because I really do understand what they are feeling.
Your past doesn't have to haunt you, but it will find you every once in a while. Let God use the past so you can care for someone else.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Back up the Bus!!
Just over a week ago we announced that we are moving to Wichita, KS to plant a church. I'm excited, scared, elated, but mostly excited. It was really tough to tell people we are leaving, we've made some really amazing friends in the last 4 1/2 years. Not to mention, this is the longest place we've ever lived, so that's a miracle in and of itself! Anyway! I've been thinking over all that has brought Caleb and I to this point. So, we are gonna back the bus up a little and start from the very beginning - cause it's very good place to start! (Sound of Music anyone?)
Caleb and I met our freshman year in college. I had known since I was 16, that God wanted me to be the wife of a pastor. I decided since God had just made the pool of men in which to pick from much smaller, that I should go to a school where there was a higher probability I'd meet a guy wanting to be a pastor. So, to Faith Baptist Bible College I went! I dated a couple of Caleb's friends before he and I started dating in Nov. 1996. I never mentioned to a single one that they'd have to be a pastor to marry me. I didn't even mention it to Caleb. Caleb, when we started dating, was going to be an engineer, NOT a pastor. In fact, he was taking math classes at Iowa State so he wouldn't be behind when he transferred to ISU the next year. God had other plans however. Second semester, Caleb couldn't take a single math class, which is when God got ahold of him. One night after we had gone out on a date, he looked at me and asked if I'd be ok being the wife of a pastor. I smiled and told him I had known for a long time that I was supposed to be one! I think I shocked him a little. (I generally try to keep him on his toes!) From that time on, church planting was something he talked about a lot, but didn't feel like it was time.
Fast forward a couple of years. He's in his 2nd year of seminary in Germantown, TN. I'm pregnant with our first child. We discussed if now was the time to start that church. Thankfully we both decided it was not! We moved to upstate NY instead, having finished 2 years of seminary, but he hadn't graduated yet. He became the youth pastor for a great church - Grace Chapel! We learned a lot from that first church! When we moved to NY, I was 8 months pregnant and had no idea what it meant to be a wife, mother and be married to a pastor. Good news, we made it out alive! We didn't realize when we moved there that the sun only shows itself about 54 days a year. That coupled with just having a baby, not really knowing anyone and winter hitting pretty fast that year made for a hard crash for me. I ended up with post partum depression, but didn't really realize it until after we had had our second baby and I became suicidal. I kept thinking if I was truly doing everything God wanted me to and if I prayed more that everything would just get better. It didn't. Thanks to some GOD GIVEN ladies at Grace Chapel, who had travelled a very similar path as me, I realized God allowed people to create some really great medicine that helps you get out of your valley, and it doesn't have to be forever, just for a season. So I know you are thinking, how does this have anything to do with church planting? Well, it helps me understand. People have to come to Jesus just where they are and I am not exempt. I have to depend on God just like everyone else. I'm not special, He made me to need Him AND He gave me people, doctors, and most of all the Holy Spirit to help me through every single day!
Three years later...... We felt like God wanted us to do more with college students. Was now the time to plant a church? Nope! We went back to Tennessee and Caleb finished his Seminary degree. This time we learned a lot about what it's like to be a full time worker AND a church volunteer. There is a lot of time wrapped into both of those, then if you add in your family and making sure you have quality time with them, plus family activities, ball games, etc. It made us appreciate all that church volunteers sacrifice. The last thing we would want is for our church people to burn out because they've done it all and are exhausted and never see their family, etc.
It took 18 months for us to get through seminary, Caleb applied for several church positions, but nothing was panning out. We considered church planting again, but it still didn't feel like the right time. Then God provided a job at Harmony Bible Church and we came to Danville, IA to work with college students/young adults. Our motto "Feed them and they will come." True story! Caleb went to the campus met students, found people of peace, started relationships, started small groups. After 2 1/2 years we started thinking, Hmmm wonder if we should plant a church? We went for an assessment in Seattle, WA with Acts 29. We failed, but persevered. We kept praying that God would open the door for church planting. We went for another assessment in Austin, TX. We PASSED! BUT we didn't make the cut for the residency program that they had, so we kept praying, asking God "Where, When". Then we got an email from Wichita, KS. Would we be willing to be assessed (they were working with the people from Austin) and consider a possible residency in Wichita. Yep, we would and the rest is history. We will move to Wichita the end of April/Beginning of May - depending on if/when our house sells.
The journey started 15 years ago and I wouldn't give up a single experience, moment, trial or lesson for anything. God has used and continues to use all of it for His Glory and my joy.
Caleb and I met our freshman year in college. I had known since I was 16, that God wanted me to be the wife of a pastor. I decided since God had just made the pool of men in which to pick from much smaller, that I should go to a school where there was a higher probability I'd meet a guy wanting to be a pastor. So, to Faith Baptist Bible College I went! I dated a couple of Caleb's friends before he and I started dating in Nov. 1996. I never mentioned to a single one that they'd have to be a pastor to marry me. I didn't even mention it to Caleb. Caleb, when we started dating, was going to be an engineer, NOT a pastor. In fact, he was taking math classes at Iowa State so he wouldn't be behind when he transferred to ISU the next year. God had other plans however. Second semester, Caleb couldn't take a single math class, which is when God got ahold of him. One night after we had gone out on a date, he looked at me and asked if I'd be ok being the wife of a pastor. I smiled and told him I had known for a long time that I was supposed to be one! I think I shocked him a little. (I generally try to keep him on his toes!) From that time on, church planting was something he talked about a lot, but didn't feel like it was time.
Fast forward a couple of years. He's in his 2nd year of seminary in Germantown, TN. I'm pregnant with our first child. We discussed if now was the time to start that church. Thankfully we both decided it was not! We moved to upstate NY instead, having finished 2 years of seminary, but he hadn't graduated yet. He became the youth pastor for a great church - Grace Chapel! We learned a lot from that first church! When we moved to NY, I was 8 months pregnant and had no idea what it meant to be a wife, mother and be married to a pastor. Good news, we made it out alive! We didn't realize when we moved there that the sun only shows itself about 54 days a year. That coupled with just having a baby, not really knowing anyone and winter hitting pretty fast that year made for a hard crash for me. I ended up with post partum depression, but didn't really realize it until after we had had our second baby and I became suicidal. I kept thinking if I was truly doing everything God wanted me to and if I prayed more that everything would just get better. It didn't. Thanks to some GOD GIVEN ladies at Grace Chapel, who had travelled a very similar path as me, I realized God allowed people to create some really great medicine that helps you get out of your valley, and it doesn't have to be forever, just for a season. So I know you are thinking, how does this have anything to do with church planting? Well, it helps me understand. People have to come to Jesus just where they are and I am not exempt. I have to depend on God just like everyone else. I'm not special, He made me to need Him AND He gave me people, doctors, and most of all the Holy Spirit to help me through every single day!
Three years later...... We felt like God wanted us to do more with college students. Was now the time to plant a church? Nope! We went back to Tennessee and Caleb finished his Seminary degree. This time we learned a lot about what it's like to be a full time worker AND a church volunteer. There is a lot of time wrapped into both of those, then if you add in your family and making sure you have quality time with them, plus family activities, ball games, etc. It made us appreciate all that church volunteers sacrifice. The last thing we would want is for our church people to burn out because they've done it all and are exhausted and never see their family, etc.
It took 18 months for us to get through seminary, Caleb applied for several church positions, but nothing was panning out. We considered church planting again, but it still didn't feel like the right time. Then God provided a job at Harmony Bible Church and we came to Danville, IA to work with college students/young adults. Our motto "Feed them and they will come." True story! Caleb went to the campus met students, found people of peace, started relationships, started small groups. After 2 1/2 years we started thinking, Hmmm wonder if we should plant a church? We went for an assessment in Seattle, WA with Acts 29. We failed, but persevered. We kept praying that God would open the door for church planting. We went for another assessment in Austin, TX. We PASSED! BUT we didn't make the cut for the residency program that they had, so we kept praying, asking God "Where, When". Then we got an email from Wichita, KS. Would we be willing to be assessed (they were working with the people from Austin) and consider a possible residency in Wichita. Yep, we would and the rest is history. We will move to Wichita the end of April/Beginning of May - depending on if/when our house sells.
The journey started 15 years ago and I wouldn't give up a single experience, moment, trial or lesson for anything. God has used and continues to use all of it for His Glory and my joy.
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